26/9/10 Jeff's take on things

The following is guest commentary and does not necessarily represent the views and opinions of the blog management.

26/9/10 ...a rant

Hi folks, Jeff here. I thought i'd give Anne a break from writing her blog by giving a guest appearance. (Also, its 4 am and i'm awake thanks to some noisy Italian neighbours in our hotel and feeling a bit grumpy. Maybe getting a few things of my chest will make me feel better abet me back to sleep?).

I've also been reading her recent entries and thought i'd provide a slightly different take (i.e. more angry) on a just a coupla things about France that have irked us. Being that we left France yesterday and are now on Sardinia, the timing seems appropriate.

I should start by clarifying that, overall our experience in France was absolutely fantastic and we were treated wonderfully by nearly everyone. Its truely amazing how far a little courtesy and an honest attempt at the local language will still get you in the most-visited country in the world (if i were a local, i would have given up on all these idiot tourists years ago). Granted we spent most of our time off-the-beaten-track, where the locals exposure to the 'unclean' – as i like to refer to groups of tourists - has been less, but we still experienced this kind treatment even in the most-touristed places we went, cities like Chamonix and Nice. (hmm...perhaps the city-dwellers are forced to learn patience through their having to avoid piles of dog shit all the time? Dunno...).

But besides the piles of dog poo everywhere issue (more on this later) there is another situation where a few bad apples have spoiled the whole damn bunch: French drivers. It seems to me that a large segment of the French population don't seem to understand that the roads were built A) primarily, as a means to facilitate the conveyance of passenger automobiles (and smallish ones at that), and B) not for their exclusive personal use as a parking lot, delivery ramp, or race track, but rather to be shared with their 80 million fellow countrymen – not to mention some 40 million of the unclean annually). They are public roads afterall.

Before i get really fired up again about this, i should perhaps establish my credentials on other peoples road manners by reminding you that 1.) i used to drive a city bus for a living, and nothing will open your eyes to peoples behavior behind the wheel more than driving a bus, 2.) as a motorcyclist, i like to think of myself as being more 'situationally aware' than your typical motorist, and 3.) licence plates in Europe show which country the car is from, so i know these are French drivers, and not just Germans who think they're on the Autobaun or truckers from Italy who took a wrong turn and are late with their cannoli delivery.

Anyway, as an example of the lackluster driving skills of the French, for the last week, at least three times a day we have just narrowly avoided head-on collisions. A typical example: The other day we were driving up a two lane mountain road and as we enter a sharp turn around a cliff, what looks like a driverless truck suddenly appears in our lane at the apex of the curve, going like an absolute bat out of hell. As Anne panic brakes and swerves to the right a head pops up in the truck and, apparently finding whatever he'd been looking for on the floor, the driver turns the wheel and slowly moseys back (mostly) into his lane as he wings by. I note that he didn't suddenly wrench the wheel and lurch back on his side, as if acknowledging that he was in the wrong. His reaction was more like 'Well goddamit, now can't you see i dropped my cigarete and needed some room to weave so i could look for it? Get outta my way!'

Now, you're probably thinking, 'awww Jeff is just not used to the more aggressive driving style of the French after living in sleeply little ol Hobart', but i don't think thats it. Aggressive driving, such as that practiced by say, any Asian scooter rider or said German on the Autobaun, is always accompanied by an equalivent increase in attentivness. They get away with their behaviour because they are paying attention and have good situational awareness. This is not the case in France.

Perhaps though, judging from the looks we get from those who nearly hit us, its not just a lack of attentiveness, but more a general lack of courtesy on the roads. This attitude that the road is solely for my personal use and the rest of you be dammned has certainly been pervasive with – surprising to me- the bus drivers. Yesterday, we were leaving downtown heading for the airport and progressing at a snails pace. We patiently followed a huge tour bus down from the Basilica de Notre Dame as it tried in vain to negoitiate too narrow roads (inevitably NOT one way...that would make too much sense) that were designed to carry little Fiat Fruitflies or Peugeots Pissants (or whatever the hell they're called), not huge tour buses with large mirrors poking out. Of course there was a Saturday market going on and the locals, not to be hindered in their shopping by something as menial as the absence of parking places, had strewn their cars hither and yawn, including in one of the narrow little lanes leading down from the Basilica.

After finally shaking off the Basilica tour bus, we struggled further through downtown, somehow managing to continue following the signs for the airport (easier said than done when all the signs are buried behind foilage or graffiti). As we approached a major, 4-lane roadabout right in the centre of the city, yet another tour bus sidles in front of us, proceeds to put on his hazards, and slows to a stop in the middle of the road next to two other tour busses which are illegally parked in the far right lane. "Hmm...there must be an accident or maybe construction in the roundabout!" i foolishly think, and then watch as the bus in front of us opens its door and begins to disgorge its load of the unclean into the street.

Now, as i said before, we were on our way to the airport, and as usual for me when we've got an impending flight on a low-budget airline, but particularly so in a country where we don't know the language, i was already in a bit of a tizzie about getting there with plenty of time. Also, even with our 5 years of training in Australia under our belt, multi-lane roundabouts still scare the bejesus out of us at the best of times.

So anyway, even this illegal (triple) parking in a travel lane didn't really set me off until, after squeezing into the mad throng of cars funneling into the remaining 2 lanes of the roundabout and getting around the bus, i suddenly notice that there is a TON of space to park in front of the other busses, and that therefore he was just being a completely uncourteous and lazy a-hole by parking where he did. Errrrr........

I only vaguely remember my blinding rage now, but i'm pretty sure my ensuing unattractive behavor included putting the window down and screaming a bunch of obsenities and some other things that are probably best forgotten.

You know, I'm guessing that the cops here use road accident forms with just a few simple lines: 'The cause of the accident was (check each that apply): vehicle was on the wrong side of the road, vehicle was travelling at an unsafe speed, vehicle was parked illegally in the middle of the road, vehicle was entirely too f'ing large to be travelling on that particular highway, all of the above.' Thats it. If not they should, it would save them heaps of time.

Alas we are now in Italy, and based solely on our trip from the airport to our hotel (which, as the crow flies is about 7 kms, but it took us 3.5 hours to get here...a story for another day), i am already starting to think drivers in France are like little miss manners compared to the Italians. Oy vey... wish us luck. Ok, i feel better now and our neighbors are done being noisy. I'll have to rant about dog poo a little later.